Thinking out loud (minus Ed Sheeran)

Sometimes it can be hard to define what you want. You may know, inherently, that you are craving, longing, for a change. How do you determine what that change is? Sometimes we don't get a choice, change is thrust upon us and we must either adapt or abandon ship. Sometimes we get swept up in the motions and find that change has occurred without us even noticing it at all. 

I often find myself in the liminal world of inbetween change. It's not often pretty or sane. Typically it involves a little bit of insanity and a whole lot of mess.

When you are young, they tell you that it's part of being an adult. They don't warn you that even when you are an adult, you may still not be qualified to deal with whatever life is throwing at you. 

How do we move forward, accept the changes, for better or for worse? I don't know. There are things that are imminent in my future, short term, long  term, permanently, that have to be addressed. Procrastination becomes denial. And denial is never becoming of a young lady.

So I pray. I try and keep the faith that the cosmic plan is a far better story than any I could write for myself. And yet, sometimes my knees knock, I start to shake whenever I see my future walking down the driveway to me. Anticipation only becomes acceptable when the outcome is positive. So this year, the next year, however many I've got left, I've got to learn how to focus on my many optimistic outcomes and try to push the potential for disappointment and failure out of my mind.

It may take some faith, trust, pixie dust, but life goes on and I have rambled far  too long here for now.