How to be more Adultier

It has come to my attention that this weekend, I will have been out of college for three years, which really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but these years out of school have been almost as formative as the time I spent in it.

So here's what I've learned since graduation....

• Always carry a set of cutlery - If nothing else, at least a spoon. This is probably the most immediately useful piece of advice I can give you. When you are on the go, and you don't know when/where/how your next meal is coming from, you best be prepared to eat it. And because soup is cheap, but its something you really can't eat from your hands, you'll thank me later for insisting upon the spoon. No one wants to see you drink your soup. 
• Don't work for free. If you are putting in a full day's work, you deserve some kind of compensation. Make sure that if you are being paid in 'experience' that doesn't mean you are starving.
• If you work a job that includes 'housing', make sure your contract includes running water. You think I'm kidding. I am absolutely not kidding. I'm looking at you theater youngin's. Don't do summer stock if they can't guarantee that you won't have to use the toilet at the 24/7 Cumberland farms across the street at 2AM.
• Don't let money eat you. Don't be lackadaisical about tracking your budget, but don't let the price of things turn you off. Go to that concert, eat that dinner with your friends. The memories are worth more than the extra few bucks in your account. 
• Learn how to make your own coffee and tea. Be an adult. Make your own damn beverage and save money too. You don't need the sugar.
• Treat yourself right. Drink lots of water, make sure you get up and move (if you are in a sedentary job), make you take time to rest (if you are in a physically demanding job), Paint your nails, read books -- your mental well being is more important than anything else. If you are miserable with your job, why are you doing this job?
• Treat others right. Foster healthy relationships with friends and family. Volunteer. Don't judge everyone that you cross paths with. Negativity breeds discontent.
• Worry less. Things have a way of working themselves out if you work hard and do right by your life. 
• Eat more avocados. You can't be sad while eating an avocado. 

So there you have it. My list of advice that may or may not be useful to others. Do with it what you will, but most importantly: Put a spoon in your purse/briefcase/backpack right. now. 

Gluten and Dairy Free Mac and Cheese

Since posting this picture on my Facebook the other day, I've gotten quite a few requests for how to replicate the unattainable: actually delicious gluten and dairy free Mac and cheese. 

There's no nutritional yeast or kitchen wizardry going on. It's very simple, just a slow and careful process. 

My recipe here isn't super precise and it only makes enough to serve one, but it may be a starting point for your needs. 

I used corn noodles (the tiny seashells work the best for texture), about a cup - cooked however best you'd prefer. Follow your package but I find I prefer them slightly al dente.

The sauce is a cup of unsweetened Almond milk, 2 heaping tablespoons of dairy-free butter (I used organic earth balance), a half cup of daiya cheddar shreds, and (the big secret) a tablespoon of gluten free all purpose flour. I used King Arthur brand today, but there are cheaper ones 😊

You begin by heating up the almond milk over NO HIGHER than medium heat. Then slowly mix in and melt the butter and cheese, adding the flour when you have about half the amount of cheese melted. This is the secret, because it helps thicken the sauce.

Drain your pasta when ready, and then add it back in the pot. Pour the thickened sauce over it, keeping the pot over low heat and mix until thoroughly coated.

Serve asap and enjoy the goodness you have missed!! Revel in the creamy, cheesy, nirvana.

Hope it works out as well for you! Feedback is appreciated, let me know how you've adapted it!

Thinking out loud (minus Ed Sheeran)

Sometimes it can be hard to define what you want. You may know, inherently, that you are craving, longing, for a change. How do you determine what that change is? Sometimes we don't get a choice, change is thrust upon us and we must either adapt or abandon ship. Sometimes we get swept up in the motions and find that change has occurred without us even noticing it at all. 

I often find myself in the liminal world of inbetween change. It's not often pretty or sane. Typically it involves a little bit of insanity and a whole lot of mess.

When you are young, they tell you that it's part of being an adult. They don't warn you that even when you are an adult, you may still not be qualified to deal with whatever life is throwing at you. 

How do we move forward, accept the changes, for better or for worse? I don't know. There are things that are imminent in my future, short term, long  term, permanently, that have to be addressed. Procrastination becomes denial. And denial is never becoming of a young lady.

So I pray. I try and keep the faith that the cosmic plan is a far better story than any I could write for myself. And yet, sometimes my knees knock, I start to shake whenever I see my future walking down the driveway to me. Anticipation only becomes acceptable when the outcome is positive. So this year, the next year, however many I've got left, I've got to learn how to focus on my many optimistic outcomes and try to push the potential for disappointment and failure out of my mind.

It may take some faith, trust, pixie dust, but life goes on and I have rambled far  too long here for now. 

You Can't Get Enough, But Enough Ain't the Test

When I was 15, I had it all figured out. 

Obviously, if I did, I would have two Oscars by now. 

Where are my Oscars?!

In any case, have you ever been so sure of what you wanted,  pursued a dream so relentlessly, for almost 10 years, that you've found you are no longer sure thats what you want? Don't get me wrong, I still want that dream very much. But I am convinced that the conventional method of obtaining it is not for me. 

Its funny how words can change their meaning - not literally, but how you interpret them. I used to look at compromise like a dirty word. I was focused - I did not compromise my goal. Nowadays, I don't feel like I dreamt big enough. Why can I not have my cake and eat it to? Compromise - I will relentlessly pursue my dream, but I can have enough time to focus on friends, family, relationships, faith -- I don't have to work every waking hour of the day on becoming a top notch costume designer.

Sacrifice, my dear starving artists, sacrifice. We must take pieces of our souls and sacrifice them to our art. For me, I prefer that sacrifice to not be moral or mental. And honestly, I'd simply like to go out to eat once in a while and not scan the menu for the lowest price first. 

I've learned that I shouldn't have to work every evening and weekend for next to no money. What does that get me? Taking every gig, treating them with equal importance, building the resumé... what good does that do if I am burning myself out and letting life pass me by? When you begin to lose passion for your favorite occupation, it is painful to your core. When you wonder, can I do something else? I've been working in this field for so long, is it possible to take a break, pursue something else for a bit, until I recharge my heart?

I've got a birthday coming up, and even at a young age, I realize that I can't waste time. There's not enough time in this life to be spending it with heartache, tears and working for pennies. Compromise - I can work on my dreams, and work on having the life I want as well. 

I have faith that it will all work out well, if I give it up to Him, and focus on being a human again - not a costume-design robot.

I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring. 

David Bowie (and Me).

No one start singing that Sara Bareilles Song.

Being brave is not easy.
In fact, the most amazing people to me in the world, are truly brave men and women.
There's no doubt that there are different kinds of bravery.

There's bravery in be willing to lay down your life for your country.

There's bravery in be willing to lay down your life for your God.

There are men and women missionaries in Iraq right now, with full knowledge of ISIS baring down on them, ready to be DECAPITATED for their faith -- they have full ability to leave or denounce their beliefs. That's pretty damn brave.

There's bravery in being honest, in openly sharing your feelings - whether it's as simple as telling your friend she's being silly for worrying about a color of candles, or as complex as revealing a side of yourself you never show, with your shortcomings and all.

 There's bravery in listening to someone tell you horrible things about yourself and still being able to respond with love.

There's bravery in holding someone while they cry and telling them things will be okay, when you yourself want to cry.

There is bravery in accepting yourself for who you are. There is bravery in acknowledging that there are things about yourself that need to be fixed. There is bravery in realizing they cannot be fixed on your own.

There is bravery in acknowledging that things are bigger than you are. There is bravery in putting someone's welfare ahead of your own.

There's beauty in bravery. Being brave requires showing that you care a great deal. It means being vulnerable, emotionally or physically. It is scary and difficult.

The greatest things you will ever do are the bravest things you will ever do.

"There are all kinds of courage," said Dumbledore, smiling. "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to Mr. Neville Longbottom." 

Things They Don't Tell You When They Say "Never Eat Gluten Again"

When I found out last August that I could no longer have gluten, my main thoughts involved bread and pasta. Little did I know, I would feel amazing and much healthier, despite my lack of wheat-laden products. That being said, I'm very happy I'm gluten-free. I'm happy there are so many options, and I'm happy I have friends and family who are considerate of my needs.

But its not an easy life. Without careful and due diligence, you can screw up.

Screwing up is easy to do. You misread a box of Captain Crunch and rationalize that "oat flour" is probably safe. It's 730pm and its the only cereal in the house. You're starving. Look at that little Napoleon-wannabe, he's practically begging you to eat that crunchy goodness. The box doesn't say "contains wheat", and oats don't have gluten.

It's safe right?
You rationalize that it probably is. You'll be fine.

[What you don't know during this process, is that "oat flour" can actually contain up to 50% wheat flour without having to report it... and it does just that.]

Gluten tastes good.
Like daaaaamn gluten, can I has your numbah? Your momma must be a meter maid cause gluten, you've got fiiiiiine written all over you.

It takes a few minutes, but if you have no gluten in your system and you suddenly eat gluten {especially if you medically cannot have gluten}, you STRAIGHT UP FEEL LIKE DEATH. Monty Python better swing by with the "bring out your dead" skit, cause that's where you go. If you're like me, you get a massive headache, stomachache (and I'm freezing cold... in the middle of summer.) All you will want is your bed and to go to sleep. You might even cry a little for no reason.

Once you taste blood, you want more.

Here's what I don't get about "bandwagon-jumping" Gluten Free People. If you CAN eat gluten, WHY WOULDNT YOU? I'm here, sick and miserable because I ate gluten, and yet.... I want more. I would eat that whole damn box, with that sick little naval bastard smiling maniacally all the while, if I wouldn't die. And half of me irrationally wants to go do that right now. So, now, after months of not screwing up, and almost being able to pretend that "rice bread" and "corn pasta" are just as good as the real deal, its back to stage one of craving all that gluten.

So please, if you can eat gluten, do. Be my gluten proxy. I'll be over here, in a blanket in the corner, trying not think about Captain Crunch

Find your inner Iggy!

As a freelance theater professional, I often fall into a time-wasting portion of life called "between gigs" or *coughcough* fun!employment... We are so used to rushing around, from gig to gig, fitting to fitting, shopping, pulling, buying, sewing - that when I have at least a few weeks before my next gig even begins to get underway, I have no idea what to do with myself.

After a day or so of playing catch-up with all the neglected-during-work-chores, I find myself utterly bored. So I schedule some plans with friends, I start a new workout routine, and I browse the internet looking for more gigs. But let's be real, it doesn't take all that time to daily see if there's any new job posted on the all of three sites that jobs for people like me might be listed. There's only so many times I can refresh my facebook newsfeed and only so much Netflix marathoning that can occur before I want to gouge my eyes out.

So I start little crafty, personal projects, and do what any good Catholic girl who seriously needs to get out of the house does... off to daily Mass! Today happens to be the feast day of St Ignatius of Loyola. Pretty much everyone knows St. Iggy as the founder of the Jesuits (which he is), and the author of The Spiritual Exercises.

St Iggy (all his friends call him that, okay??) was a soldier until about the age of 30, until he took a cannonball to the leg! He was pretty badass like that. While laid up at home, surely questioning this turn of events and what it meant for his career, he picked up a book about the saints!

 

So, unlike me, Iggy was productive with his time "between gigs" and decided that he was going to change his career focus and become a soldier... for Christ. (Spoiler alert! He does it!). In any case, despite not being educated (he went back to grade school!), and under fire from the Spanish Inquistion (which no one expected, right? No one ever expects that), Iggy gathered a bunch of his dudes, and founded the Jesuit Missionaries. His friends were a little reluctant at points (See: Frances Xavier), but this group of men founded a group that thrives on to this very day - there are over 22,000 Jesuits now!

So basically what I am saying, is that boredom can force the mind to get a little creative and dream big AND the bonus message is that a small group of friends, focused on a goal, have the power to achieve anything. Both are things that theater professionals and those involved in youth ministry alike need to remember.