"So, does your (husband/boyfriend/family/significant other) support your career?"
"Y'know, you can fall in love as easily with a rich man as you can with a poor man"
"Are you going to go back to school?"
Every so often, some well-meaning soul flatters me by saying that I seem to always say the right thing, that I just am soooo together. And every so often, my brain shouts "AS IF" while I blush and politely thank that person.
The four statements above seem rather harmless, if not a little insensitive. It may seem hard to believe, but I've actually had these things, and many variations thereof, said to my face numerous times over the past few years. They're said with good intentions, usually as some sort of conversation filler or perhaps as a bit of good advice from some self-proclaimed "experienced" soul.
They cut me to my soul every single time, like a roundhouse kick to the heart.
I am not a parasite. This isn't Alien - I don't latch on to other beings solely to use their resources and reproduce. I am a theater professional. Like many others, I work incredibly hard to try and sustain my own career. Like many, I often fall short. Like many, I sometimes need to rely on favors and a little help from friends and family.
BUT I DO NOT INTEND TO NEVER BE SELF-SUFFICIENT.
Yes, my career has a reputation for not paying well. This reputation is often unfortunately accurate. And when I need to, I will take whatever jobs I can get - whether it be taking in seamstressing and alteration projects, or getting another part time job to help pay the bills when the season is slow.
But I didn't go to college for a hobby. I don't intend to go back to school to learn something else, just so I can get my loans deferred. I appreciate the occasional help of my loved ones, and I intend to repay them a hundredfold when I can. And I absolutely will never ever marry with the intention of having a husband to support me financially.
If I were to fall in love today and get married tomorrow, even if that man was the richest man in the world, I would still get married in a church and have a reception in a park or in a backyard. I would still buy a hundred dollar dress, and be tempted to elope. Why would I want to start a new stage in life by going into debt for a wedding?
Many of my friends have elaborate Pinterest boards for their weddings. Some of these pins are brilliant money-saving tips, and that's pretty awesome. But looking at some of the price tags on cakes, dresses, locations, makes my heart start to race --- not in a good way. It's almost panic attack inducing. I don't understand any of it, to be honest. Maybe I'm just bad at being a girl, but my dream wedding doesn't include spending 2000$ on a dress I'll wear once, 500$ on a cake I'm just going to eat, and 400$ on tiny mason jars to put on string lights, though they may be cute as pie. If I make my own wedding dress, like everyone says I should, it's only because that would be the more economical decision. In reality, I'll probably just buy a cute, old-fashioned white dress off Modcloth. Even better if it's cotton based, so I can dye it another color afterwards and wear it regularly. A marriage doesn't last just for the wedding, so why should my dress?
I've digressed a bit, but the point remains the same. Yes, I could fall in love and marry a rich man, and he could support my "hobby" and we could live happily ever after.
But I would never be happy in that situation, no matter how in love I was, no matter how willing my man was to sacrifice money to let me do my own thing and pick up an occasional job here, a gig there, no matter how "perfect" our life would be. It's nice to be comfortable. It's nice to not worry about paying the rent.
It's not nice to sell out, to give up. And you may say that the above scenario isn't either of those things. Maybe it isn't. But I think I would feel resentment about not having tried, really tried, maybe tried and failed over and over again, to make an underpaying, overworked career work for me. Resentment would eat away me, and that's not a healthy situation for anyone involved.
So let me struggle to get by. Let me fall in love with a man and not think about his financial situation. Let me go back to school only if I truly feel like I want to learn. Let me not be a parasite, waiting to burst out of your chest screaming "Viva la arts!"
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