You Can't Get Enough, But Enough Ain't the Test

When I was 15, I had it all figured out. 

Obviously, if I did, I would have two Oscars by now. 

Where are my Oscars?!

In any case, have you ever been so sure of what you wanted,  pursued a dream so relentlessly, for almost 10 years, that you've found you are no longer sure thats what you want? Don't get me wrong, I still want that dream very much. But I am convinced that the conventional method of obtaining it is not for me. 

Its funny how words can change their meaning - not literally, but how you interpret them. I used to look at compromise like a dirty word. I was focused - I did not compromise my goal. Nowadays, I don't feel like I dreamt big enough. Why can I not have my cake and eat it to? Compromise - I will relentlessly pursue my dream, but I can have enough time to focus on friends, family, relationships, faith -- I don't have to work every waking hour of the day on becoming a top notch costume designer.

Sacrifice, my dear starving artists, sacrifice. We must take pieces of our souls and sacrifice them to our art. For me, I prefer that sacrifice to not be moral or mental. And honestly, I'd simply like to go out to eat once in a while and not scan the menu for the lowest price first. 

I've learned that I shouldn't have to work every evening and weekend for next to no money. What does that get me? Taking every gig, treating them with equal importance, building the resumé... what good does that do if I am burning myself out and letting life pass me by? When you begin to lose passion for your favorite occupation, it is painful to your core. When you wonder, can I do something else? I've been working in this field for so long, is it possible to take a break, pursue something else for a bit, until I recharge my heart?

I've got a birthday coming up, and even at a young age, I realize that I can't waste time. There's not enough time in this life to be spending it with heartache, tears and working for pennies. Compromise - I can work on my dreams, and work on having the life I want as well. 

I have faith that it will all work out well, if I give it up to Him, and focus on being a human again - not a costume-design robot.

I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring. 

David Bowie (and Me).