A few weeks back, I was introduced to the popular dating app, Tinder. For those of you who aren't familiar with Tinder, it's essentially a "lookbook" of eligible singles within a specific radius of you (or rather, your smartphone). Each photo is paired with a first name, age, and whether you share any likes or friends on Facebook. Then you can flip through the photos, and either "nope" or "like" to your heart's content. When two people "like" each other, a little chat window appears, and you are able to connect further.
By now, you've probably noticed the obvious flaw -- can a relationship really be based on a photograph and a small amount of information?
Using Tinder so far has made me feel like a shallow, horrible human being. Yet I've pushed myself to keep trying, to see if it's possible to make any progress with technology. What I have learned is that, I've learned less about any of these eligible bachelors, yet I have learned a lot about myself.
See, when I first started to click through these photos, if anything, I figured I would learn what my "type" is. You hear a lot about girls and their types. Everyone is supposed to have some "ideal" that they're looking for in a companion, and that it should fit rigorously in their boundries.
Well, what I've realized is that even though there are some physical features that may stand out to me as attractive, the massive amounts of men I "noped" were based on visible personality qualities gauged by your chosen avatar.
For instance, if you've got a selfie taken in a bathroom - NOPE.
Picture of you showing us your abs (no matter how nice they may be) -NOPE.
Picture of you at a party sloppily holding up a glass (with or without posse of friends) - NOPE.
Flashing some sort of hand signal while wearing a baseball cap in any position but the way it is practical to wear it - NOPE
and the list goes on. In the end, looks aren't everything. They certainly could begin a relationship, but if the image you are sending out is perceived as over the top or too bland, you are probably going to get noped in other areas in life, not just Tinder.
Herein lies the inherent problem with Tinder, and nearly all forms of online dating. They try to quantify something unquantifiable: who we really are. We can present ourselves in any way, even a possibly accurate way to how we view ourselves. So we find someone who messages us back. At least finding each other possibly interesting, we talk for a bit, swapping basic information about ourselves, wondering if this will lead to anything. For some people, it does, and that's great. For the majority of people, myself included, we find ourselves frustrated by continual rejection from personality-lacking avatars, and instantaneous "marry me"s from possible stalkers. Or just the basic "we have nothing left to talk about now.... so..." that most of the conversations devolve into.
This general lack of satisfaction from online dating, and as for that matter - the current "dating" scene, lends a sort of nostalgia to the modern single. (although do we think times have improved things? Tinder is essentially just a modern day Yenta).
We long for the day our life looks like an old-time movie: you meet someone, in a bar, at work, at your favorite activity, and without any hubbub about the whole situation, he/she asks if you want to have a drink with them or take you to dinner. It's perfectly clear that it's a date, but if it doesn't work out, it's okay - there's no hard feelings, because you haven't spent months needlessly worrying about it.
Until that happens, we sit at home with a glass of wine, send flirty messages into the void and NOPENOPENOPE till our thumbs are sore.
No comments:
Post a Comment